Life, Lately

For the past few months, I’ve been engaging less and less on social media and thinking more and more about quitting it entirely. I fantasize about a life without Facebook, Instagram… mainly because they consume so much of my time. And with that time, I consume so much unnecessary crap – reading about people’s lives, mentally participating in their emotional drama, crusades for social justice, soapbox rants and just-for-the-internet activism, political tirades and self-glorification. I consume, I comment, I participate. But I’m tired of it. I feel like it zaps my self-worth, energy, and motivation.

I miss depth, substance, space to think and room to breathe. I took a bath the other night, a valiant effort at self-care. I poured a glass of red wine, added some epsom salts, bubble bath, and essential oils, and set a few candles on the counter. I grabbed a copy of Eckhart Tolle’s The Power of Now which I was going to take a picture of for instagram read in the bathtub… but at the last minute I set the book on the counter, lit the candles, flipped off the lights, and climbed in the tub, where I proceeded to do… Absolutely Nothing.

I thought.

I breathed.

I slid way down low in the water and let it cover my ears, muffling the sounds and drawing me into a world of seclusion.

I stayed awhile.

I needed to stay even longer.

I wonder, what’s the real-life equivalent of that bath? Space and time with no obligations, nowhere to be, nothing to do, no selfies and no fluff. Just myself, my thoughts, and total permission to just soak in companionable solitude.

It’s not the fault of social media that my self-care practice is sadly lacking at this stage of life. I’m mom to an almost 2 year old who is currently potty training (he pooped on the floor today and the dog ate it), wife to a disabled veteran who is kicking ass but dealing with severe chronic pain, owner/founder/CEO/accountant/customer service/etc of my own business, a full time double major student finishing my 16th year of college (hahahahahaha no really) and I am constantly pulled in different directions with my desires and passions. Life is just very full right now, and I’ve been putting myself on the back burner in many ways.

For me, exercise is a mental health practice. I literally need yoga, surfing, paddling, lifting, running, or some physical activity so that I don’t go insane and become a total bitch. Anyone feel me on that? Yet when I’m pressed for time, the first thing I abandon is my own commitment to being active.  So I am reclaiming that right to movement starting right now.

But it’s not like I’ve been spinning my wheels. I’ve been doing s**t. Like, a lot of it.

Things I have done in the past six weeks that are cool:

  • Created and facilitated the first ever Spirit Led Yoga teacher training (and it was awesome).
  • Moved into a beautiful new house and actually unpacked EVERYTHING! (pats self on back).
  • Wrote an epic online course about how to facilitate retreats – mark your calendars for early 2019 and check out #RockYourRetreat
  • Drafted curriculum for the first Stoked Yogi 300 Hour YTT
  • Taught my kid how to go through life without peeing and pooping himself (well, almost). #thisismajor

And here’s what I’m visualizing, planning, and promising to myself for the next six weeks:

  • Drink 100oz of water a day. Hydration leads to happiness (I think).
  • Asana, Pranayama, Meditation every day – at least 20 minutes. Even if it’s just mindful breathing.
  • Surf at least twice a week. I haven’t been surfing bc hubby is hurt and it’s his greatest joy, but man, both of us not surfing is not helping anyone.
  • Re-veganize myself. I went off the rails and ate pizza like five times and it’s a bad scene.
  • Morning lemon water and smoothie with adaptogens and superfoods (oh, and some bomb-ass bulletproof coffee bc life is all about balance).
  • Ditch the phone. I deleted Facebook off my phone and I’m working up to deleting Instagram – just for a month or so. It’s always refreshing to take a break.
  • Write more – even rambling, jumbled blog posts like this one – because it feels like therapy.
  • Film content for my e-course (and have a blast doing it).
  • Finalize the details for the upcoming SUP Yoga Master Training (another first, so exciting!)
  • Build a meditation altar for my new bedroom – the sacred space I’ve been praying for for years.
  • Start painting the 4′ x 5′ canvas I’ve had in my art supplies for five freaking years.
  • Be gentle with myself – end each day with some TLC, gratitude journaling, and self-forgiveness.

If you actually read all this, I love you. Maybe you’re also sick and tired of the go-go-go and need to reconnect with some of the things that make you feel like you. I’d love to hear about what you’ll do for yourself over the next few weeks.

loving you always & all ways,

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